Saturday, 16 June 2012


I'm paranoid now.  I'm going around wondering if others are over analysing my ever move.  I'm wondering if my actions or non-actions are going to come up to bite me on the arse down the track.  I'm wondering how I'm going to please everyone all of the time.  I'm wondering when I put time into another important event or anything that's important to me are people going to resent that?  My friends?  My family?  When I get into uni, am I to put a disclaimer out there that I'm going to be busy and pre-occupied and may come across like I'm distant and obsessive?  Should I assume that everyone is going to misinterpret my actions to make out that it's somehow a reflection of how I feel about them?

What a way to live hey! 

I'm not sure I want to live like that!  Fuck that for a joke!  No thanks! 

And just think...I don't even have to do anything...and I still get blamed.  The wedding venue people are the ones who put the placecards out!  I gave them the placecards and the table number...THEY put them on the prospective seats...not me.  Maybe subconciously I gave them a through telepathy.."Make sure you seat this person and this person and this person with their back to me...because I don't think much of their friendship."  Wow I must be so talented to be able to do that. Now I'm wondering if my other friends or FAMILY MEMBERS who were seated BY THE VENUE PEOPLE with their backs to me and they're sitting around quietly resenting me for it!  Was I wrong to assume that the people I care about know me well enough to know I wouldn't have done it on purpose?  Oh and I had put my own sister and cousins at that table too...maybe they secretly think I conspired against them as well??  They moved on their own accord...I didn't move them - but that doesn't matter to some people though hey.

What about this person?  Were they pissed off that they were pushed out of their table and they had to find another seat...they had to move themselves?  Do they think I subconsiously sent a telepathic message to the people who pushed them out?

What about when I didn't go to my friend's birthday dinner thing the other week....should I be worried now that they've added this to the many things I've done on the list...ready for a time when they can throw it in my face? 

Maybe I should become a recluse?  Because it's obvious that it doesn't matter what I do or what I don't do or the reasons behind it...there is always going to be someone out there who will think the worst of me no matter what!

Should I even care?


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