Monday, 12 September 2011

Bangs Head Against Wall....over and over...

Most on my fb would know I'm in a real sh!t mood right now but I'm just so over my life right now!

Moving to toowoomba was always the plan and now I'm ready to pack it all in and move back to Brisbane.  I'm so over being a single mum of 6 for a week at a time.  I did not sign up for this, not one bit!!!!  Had I known then what I know now we would never have moved yet, we would have waited until the transfer was certain.

But as it happened we had to move because Aaron's parents were coming back and we were living in their house and they needed their house back.  And the cost of rentals in Brisbane for what we needed was phenominal!!  But now I'm thinking, with the money we spend by him living down there and me living up here, we probably could have done it! 

We were told two things....firstly that Aaron could get a transfer from the Brisbane city watchouse (QLD police) to the Toowoomba watchouse, and I was thinking that it would take from about Sept to Dec to get the transfer....which was fine by me.  But when this seemed dependant upon positions available in Toowoomba, Aaron went and spoke to the Sargent there who told him that they'd be opening a position in Aug/Sept this year and that they'd gladly have him there and that the job was practically his when the time came.

We heard nothing in the mean time, but in June/July Aaron rang the sargent to confirm this position.  The sargent didn't have time to talk to him so asked him to email instead.  Aaron did that and when the first email was ignored, he emailed again...which was also ignored.  It seems to me, like, there is no position and that the sargent has to fob Aaron off because then he'd have to explain himself.

So Aaron goes to HR and finds out ways he could get a transfer on compassionate grounds and he's put in one form already.  Then he speaks to his boss who says he would try to get things moving for him.  Then he speaks to the QLd police COMMISSIONER the big gun!!  Who says that he'd look into it and to send yet another form through HR but really lay it on thick about the need for the transfer!

Meanwhile Aaron's going for other government positions...he's gone for a position for QR National (Queensland Rail) about two months ago and has yet to hear from them.  He's rung them and they're still short listing people so this is going to take months.  He went for another job he didn't get and it's just getting so hard!!!

I'm sick of waiting.  I've been patient for a year! I can't do this anymore!  I don't want to be alone anymore!  It's putting a strain on our family, especially the little kids because Daddy seems to be in and out of their lives and they play up every time he comes home or leaves.  The older kids get used to not having their step dad around then he comes home and throws authority around and the kids look at him like 'You don't live here!!".  And I'm sooooooo lonely!  I'm sick of it just being me doing everything!!!! 

I didn't do the single mum thing very well before....and I'm not doing very well with it now either!!!!  The emotional strain and the isolation and lonliness is driving me insane and I don't know how much longer I can hang on for!!!  Before, at least, there was an end for me to look forward to...Aug/ I just held onto that!  But now there is no end in sight!!  And I'm facing having to do this indefinetly until something changes!

Uni next year can go down the drain cos although I know that single mums can do it...I'm yet to meet someone who is single with 6 KIDS able to do it on their own.  This is not what I signed up for and It's getting old!!  Very very old!!

If you've read this whole post...then cudos to deserve it.  At least I'm not swearing in this one!!!


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