Monday, 25 July 2011

Taking Responsibility

More and more, these days, I see people continually refusing to take any responsibility for their own lives.  Even just a small part.  Why is it that we feel that talking responsibility is such a bad thing?  Is it because we are afraid that people are going to go "Ha so it is your compassion for you!"  Why can't we have compassion for those who make bad decisions in their lives.  We all make crappy decisions but we can learn from them and move on.  We can even help and teach others in the hopes that they don't make the same decisions.

I was part of a discussion, yesterday, regarding Amy Winehouse and her sad demise.  The message that I got from the whole discussion is that people refuse to take responsibility for the part they play in their own addiction to drugs.  I felt that there was a lot of negativity in the way these people think and that they don't wish to take control of their lives.  It seems that because they've been told that addiction is a 'disease' that they somehow feel 'That's it... I'm doomed'.  It's almost like they're continually pushing their own control away from themselves and putting it on a ....a belief?  Instead of owning it and taking control they wallow in victim land and expect everyone else to wallow with them in sympathy.

These kind of attitudes, in itself, is a disease of sorts that needs to be cured.  I'm not sure that validating these attitudes is the way to do it, but attempting to give them another perspective, ends up with people attacking you and your own opinion that might differ from the status quo.  My opinion might be wrong...or it might be a little bit right?  But it seems that no one wants to even contemplate it out of fear.  Fear of what?  Responsibility?  Is this something to fear?  Maybe it is.  It's the unknown isn't it.  People fear the unknown and they don't want any part of it.  Staying the victim is safe.  Staying the victim keeps you innocent.  Staying the victim keeps you blameless.  But it doesn't have to be that way.

A certain comment that I read yesterday made me cold.  The comment was "If I have to go through one more thing I know that I will use again".  Wow!!!  Ok is this what this person is telling themselves?  Everyday?  What kind of a message is this?  And it's any wander they're still a victim of their addiction because this is what they've already decided for their lives and they haven't even finished living it yet.

If this is what they're telling themselves then where do they get this idea?  Is this what others are telling them?  That they are teetering on this presipice and they have no control on whether they fall or not?  This is a falsehood that they are led to believe.  They've taken their own freedom of will away.  They've decided for themselves that choice doesn't enter in.  Well I believe they are wrong!  So so wrong!  They are stronger than they think they are and I wish someone had the guts to tell them that without fear of being attacked themselves for daring to go against the status quo.

It seems everyone else wants to leave them where they are...wallowing in their own past, not ever taking control of their own lives or choices and then when they fall again say 'See?  We were right!"    Well you are...but at what cost??

I was told yesterday that I oughta hope that my kids don't become drug addicts and that maybe my view might change if they did.  Well maybe it will but I highly doubt it.  I know myself enough to know that I really don't think my opinion is going to change much.  I'm a realist and have been one most of my life.  I've had many bad things happen to me and mine and I'm still a realist.  I see things for what they are....I try not to lie to myself and tell myself that I'm a victim.  I'm not a freakin' victim because I choose to take my power back and yet there are those who continually give their power away.

I teach my kids about consequences and responsibility.  I tell them if they don't make the right choices in life then they will have to deal with the consequences of that, no matter what they are.  That's not to say that I, as their mother, isn't going to support them or help them through difficult situations when they happen, but I'm not going to stop teaching it.  I teach them if they don't do their homework then they will be punished at school.  I teach them that if they don't pay attention in class then they're marks are going to suffer which will, in turn, cause difficulty later on.  I tell them if they don't put their clothes in the wash they simply won't get washed.  And when they earn money I'll be teaching them that if they spend their money on crap then they won't be able to pay their bills.

There are a myraid of reasons why someone may make a bad decision.  And some of these reasons are very sad ones but it doesn't change the consequences and it doesn't magically take the choice out of their hands and into this cosmic world that forces your hand.

This is what I teach my kids but it seems society is passing the buck more and more and making excuses for bad decisions all the time rather than owning them.  And I ask....Is this really wise???

Well is it?


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