I've Decided

...that from now on I'm going to enter friendships with a disclaimer!  And it's going to go like this...

If I do anything, or say anything or piss you off in any way, shape or form come and talk to me about it at the time.  Don't hold onto it.  Don't let it go.  No matter how insignificant you may think it is...come and talk to me.  If you don't want to, or feel you don't need to...that's fine but then you DO NOT have the right to bring it up at a later date.  If it's not significant enough to bring it up with me AT.THE.TIME, then it most certainly isn't significant enough to bring it up at any other time either.

That's what I'm going to say.  In fact I'm going to let this be known to my current friends and family now, actually.  I don't think it's fair that people do that.  I don't think it's fair...that you're going along your merry way thinking everything's ok,.,,,but others are viewing what you do, say, think or feel, and stockpiling any supposed misbehaviour for a time when it's convenient for them to bring it up!  Like maybe when they hope to exonerate themselves perhaps? 

I don't do it!  I never do.  In my mind...if I'm not willing to talk about it when it's happening then it can't really be THAT BAD can it?...how can it be?  

At least if I take that stance I won't have to be running aroud paranoid that everything I do is being microanalysed then used against me when it suits people.  They're going to know where they stand with me from day one...and if they don't like it...well...they will either have to learn to like it or lump it or piss off!  Because this WILL NOT happen to me again.

Never again will I be going about my business, thinking everythings good....then to turn out that it wasn't good.  Never!  Never again will I tolerate other people's perceptions that they've conjured up by analysing my every move then use it against me in the hopes to make themselves feel better about their behaviour.

I'm imperfect.  Sometimes I stuff up.  Sometimes I don't think.  And sometimes others perceive my actions and base them on their own insecurities and experiences too and blow them up to mean something totally different ...and I won't be subject to that again!

I've grown up believing that I'm a speck in the universe.  I've grown up believing that the world does NOT revolve around me.  I've grown up believing that not everyone is out to get me.  And in doing so...I then don't read into other people's actions and turn it into being something about me somehow.  But I know that other people do...and from now on...I'm not going to fall into that trap!  Not going to allow people to do that to me.  If you think I'm doing something TO YOU then you damn well come and talk to me about it AT THE TIME or not at all!!!  I will not listen to any grievances when I don't have the opportunity to clarify or fix any problems you have at the time of the crime.  Won't listen to it...won't hear it!  End of story.  Don't like it?  Stiff shit!